Preparation for Parenthood

The most successful parenting is prepared and intentional parenting.

Prepared:
Many of the patterns and  routines established in the first year as newlyweds are likely to carry on throughout the duration of the marriage, for better or worse. Because life is busier when children arrive, it is important to build a strong relationship with your spouse before welcoming little ones into the home. Establish such patterns and habits you wish to perpetuate and continue nurturing your marital system all the while your family grows.

Intentional:
There is a reason children come one pregnancy at a time. A new family addition disrupts homeostasis, requiring conscious adaptation. It is wise for a mother to involve her husband throughout the pregnancy, at birth, and in partner parenting (not merely letting him take over when she is worn out). It is important to include the man as much as possible so that he will continue to feel appreciated. As soon as possible after your special delivery is brought home from the hospital, a couple still needs quality time together alone.


Children are a great blessing!

Nugget of Perspective: Character

“Duty does not require perfection, but it does require diligence. It is not simply what is legal; it is what is virtuous. It is not reserved to the mighty or high in station but instead rests on a foundation of personal responsibility, integrity, and courage. Doing one’s duty is a manifestation of one’s faith.”
—Keith B. McMullin, (“Our Path of Duty,” Ensign, May 2010, 14)

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Girl, can't get a date?

One primary focus for many young women who enter college is in hopes to find a marriage companion. A common observation I hear these girls make is that those who claim they will not be ready for marriage until they finish school are seemingly often the ones who find a mate before those who are actively seeking. While this is not always the case, why might this pattern repeatedly prove itself? Consider the nursery story of Little Bo peep:

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
Leave them alone and they'll come home,
Bringing their tails behind them.

While the following stanzas of this rhyme infer other principles, these particular four lines illustrate that one is more likely to find what they are looking for when, for a time, they set their stress aside. Just as a picture is worth a thousand words, the silent deeds you do and activities you participate in to better yourself and those around you is a better indicator that you are a wise pick than if you were to make yourself known through telling people how wonderful you are. “By their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:20; 3 Nephi 14:20; D&C 137:9). In other words, you can tell more about a person’s character by what they do than by what they say (Matthew 21:28-31).

One of my favorite parables comes from the movie Three Ninjas: Knuckle Up. At the beginning of the movie, the wise grandfather asks his three grandsons, ninjas in training, “What does a flower say when it blooms?” It is at the very end of the movie that his grandsons begin to understand. They respond to their teacher-grandfather:  “Nothing, it doesn’t want to tell everyone how beautiful it is--it just wants to be beautiful.”

This is difficult for a girl who longs to be noticed and cherished--to be patiently improving herself. She may ask herself, ‘Am I not good enough?’ I say to you blooming girls, take courage! Perhaps your man is still developing his talent for admiring true beauty in real flowers.

Boy, AM I GLAD I'M A GIRL!

     No matter how one tries, gender is inseparable with identity. The feminists and sexists of modern society who are working to diminish traditional gender roles claim to be pushing for equality of rights. Such individuals have a sad misinterpretation that sameness defines equality, when in fact it doesn't. I agree with equality of opportunity, yet working together supports that differences are good. Uniformity of the sexes, and more specifically changing the standards so everyone qualifies (just as with the 'No Child Left Behind' act) , will keep us from progressing. Every individuals is blessed with qualities and talents, and we are to help one another in their weakness. Having a weakness does NOT make one weak. Why do individuals feel they have to prove themselves? Because they fail to see the whole. 1 Corinthians 12:21 lays this truth with clarity: "the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you." I add: neither can the right hand say to the left, I have no need of you. Yes, one hand is still functional without the other, but is is better to have two--and not two left hands! One is not better than another, and both is better together. Why don't we just be are best selves? We all have things we are better at doing than others, and others have things they are better at doing than ourselves.

Who will fill the role and responsibility of womanhood and mothers if females do not? 

Who will fill the role and responsibility of manhood and fathers if males do not?

There are only two genders, male and female, and they complement each other to form the whole. 

Let Us Be Men -- D. Todd Christofferson

The Women in Our Lives -- Gordon B. Hinckley

"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

Cultural Diversity: good or bad?

Do we define our culture or do we let our culture define us?

From Merrium Webster's Medical Dictionary: 'culture' (n.)
-"the integrated pattern of human behavior that includes thought, speech, action, and artifacts and depends upon the human capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations
-"the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group"


Since the family unit is one form of social group, we discover the existence of 'family cultures.' If you want to shape society, shape the family. It is in the home that we lay our foundations.

The great British prime minister Winston Churchill said, "We shape our environments; thereafter they shape us."

I add:  And they have the potential to shape us as well as our posterity for many generations. It is in our families that children learn from a young age what is acceptable, how to interpret non-verbal cues, and even definitions of words. Development of moral conduct and personal interests begin in the home. To belong, to feel needed and loved or accepted, is a basic need of mankind. We tend to associate with those who we have most in common. We long to be validated; when we receive approval in a particular belief or action, we most often allow such truth, lie, or preference to become a part of us.

Change is a necessary part of continued healthy development. While some changes are not always the best, it is to our advantage to at times be challenged in those things we once accepted. It is when we no longer feel validated externally or internally that we initiate personal change in the respective interest. If challenged where a dramatic change would be required, the individual often becomes stressed to frantically find new sources for validation. If none can be found then the individual either may either experience negative emotions or choose to accept the challenge for accommodation.

Cultural diversity:  good or bad?
It is common for individuals who experience a 'culture shock,' as with immigrants, to feel at first overwhelmed and confused. However, when personal family upbringing of what is right or wrong is questioned, individuality is strengthened, having to decide with whom they now agree on a specific subject and to what culture and traditions they wish to carry pass on to future generations. Those who choose to change a particular family tradition or behavioral pattern is called a transitional character.

So I suppose the real issue is that individuality must be kept in its proper place. We are here on earth to learn from and teach one another; at the same time, we are also here to support and encourage one another.

What experience or thoughts do you have to share about family culture and what relationship it has with our personal identity?