Contention (egotistical verbal defense, arguing for the pleasure of antagonizing, or purposefully ignoring others) ... whatever the flavor, contentious persons are frustrating to communicate with.
One of the most effective ways to combat an enemy, is to intercept their communication lines. This is shown throughout the history of wars with both the jamming of radio signals the efforts officers go through to write in code (in the event that their own communications are intercepted).
If you understand this truth, then would it not stand to reason that one of the most important ways to build a friendship or other important relationship would be to tune-in and improve communications?
Empathy for another and for the self is healing and relationship-building. Empathy can look like patience, forgiveness, compassion, and connection.
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Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, founder of The Center for Non-Violent Communication promotes Empathy as the primary effective strategy for effective communication.
"Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being."
I strongly encourage the study of Dr. Rosenberg's approach for anyone that would like to improve their relationships, whether with a spouse, child, or other human with human needs. A compassionate perspective on decoding another's needs for the intention of finding ways to serve them is a skill that I have strived to implement most of my life. Practicing this relational skill has blessed me with many exciting opportunities to surprise another with acts of service and feel-good fuzzies for myself.
Non-Violent Communication presents an empathetic system for communication where understanding that the other person has human needs, and that decoding to help serve and fill their needs, likely will lead to improved trust and connection within the relationship.
"Nonviolent Communication is based on the principle of Ahimsa — the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart." ~ Marshall Rosenberg, founder of NVC
Nonviolent Communication is a way of being in the world that has the purpose to serve life and to create connection in such a way that everyone’s needs can be met through natural care. Learn more about the principles and the process of NVC.
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Wendy Watson Nelson, PhD, a retired family and marriage therapist and university professor, shares her views on the damaging effects of contentious communication and heated arguments.
Wendy W. Nelson taught family systems nursing at the University of Calgary and Brigham Young University. Her research helped develop a theoretical framework for family systems nursing. She also co-authored a book on the subject, Beliefs: The Heart of Healing in Families and Illness.
Watch her inspiring message here:
"If you will remove contention from your life, you will not only change your life, but you will help to change the world itself." -Wendy Watson Nelson