Yelling Through the Brick Wall

Good communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. Clear communication is a skill to be practiced and talent to be maintained.

Good communication is difficult in large part because there are an exponential amount more ways to mis-communicate. There are four gates a message must open for direct transmission between two communicators. If I'm talking with you, the gates are as follows:  what I mean, what I say, what you hear, and what you understand. The challenge of opening these gates can be described as a game of Telephone or gossip, where the message is often altered many times in the passing of it along to another.

It's nearly impossible to read someone else's mind. So, how does one successfully unlatch these gates of passage? One advancement is accomplished by repeating back what you hear, paraphrasing your interpretation of the meaning, and inviting the other to correct if necessary. Listening is just as, if not more, important in our conversations. It is wise counsel to communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood.

A word of caution:  sarcasm is often highly destructive, making our goal of clear communication more difficult. It's like building a brick wall in place of the gate between what I mean and what I say.

The easiest and most productive communication is accomplished with congruency in words, action, and meaning--say what you mean and do yourself what you say. Congruency is being sincerely honest with yourself and others. The development and application of these tools can enable even your whispering to be heard.