Communication is a Two-way Street

Good communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. Clear communication is a skill to be practiced and talent to be maintained. Honesty and vulnerable transparency help others get to know us and are important keys to good communication. 

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I believe that children are inherently good, honest, loving creatures when they enter this world, especially those who join us on earth with a disability. All of the individuals that I have worked with (aged 6 to 35) have been good persons at heart. Many of the ones I have worked with who have Down Syndrome or ADHD also have proved good-hearted and caring. Many of them like to be silly and sometimes try to pull 'a fast one', but they are often just a kid at heart with s communication barrier to be worked through between the Neurotypical and the Neurodivergent. Dishonesty breads distrust, which can lead to further dishonesty. However, the opposite is also true:  Honest, caring love builds trust, which can lead to increased learning and connection.

Good communication is difficult in large part because there are an exponential amount more ways to mis-communicate. There are four gates a message must open for direct transmission between two communicators. If I'm talking with you, the gates are as follows:  what I mean, what I say, what you hear, and what you understand. The challenge of opening these gates can be described as a game of Telephone or gossip, where the message is often altered many times in the passing of it along to another.

It's nearly impossible to read someone else's mind. So, how does one successfully unlatch these gates of passage? One advancement is accomplished by repeating back what you hear, paraphrasing your interpretation of the meaning, and inviting the other to correct if necessary. Listening is just as, if not more, important in our conversations. It is wise counsel to communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood.

In this digital age, we need to work even harder at understanding others. Much communitive information is lost when we rely only on words (without sound or guesture) to communicate. Sarcasm is especially dangerous when shared over text because it is highly reliant on contextual cues to discern. It's like building a brick wall in place of the gate between what I mean and what I say.

The easiest and most productive communication is accomplished with congruency in words, action, and meaning--say what you mean and do yourself what you say. Congruency is being sincerely honest with yourself and others. The development and application of these tools can enable even your whispering to be heard.

I recently found Communication Coach, Alexander Lyon, PhD on YouTube. He has some wonderful material on improving your communication professionally. Many of these tips are also useful communicating in our more personal relationships. If communication is important professionally, how much more important is communication in the relationships that we want to have last longer! 

Two of his videos that I discovered helpful so far with personal relationships is one on Active Listening Skills, and another on the use of Verbal and Non-verbal Communication to accompany what we have to say verbally. Practicing Active Listening can improve our patience with others in addition to more accurate decoding what they would like to share with us. The old adage "Sharing is Caring" is true for the sharing of our honest selves, and cannot be overstated, while remembering that 'sharing' is a two-way street--expressing and listening...repeat.