v. The shifting of one's energy field, causing personalized enlightenment, healthier thinking, and lasting refinement.

Friday, November 25

Yelling Through the Brick Wall

Break FreeGood communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. Clear communication is a skill to be practiced and talent to be maintained.

Good communication is difficult in large part because there are an exponential amount more ways to mis-communicate. There are four gates a message must open for direct transmission between two communicators. If I'm talking with you, the gates are as follows:  what I mean, what I say, what you hear, and what you understand. The challenge of opening these gates can be described as a game of Telephone or gossip, where the message is often altered many times in the passing of it along to another.

It's nearly impossible to read someone else's mind. So, how does one successfully unlatch these gates of passage? One advancement is accomplished by repeating back what you hear, paraphrasing your interpretation of the meaning, and inviting the other to correct if necessary. Listening is just as, if not more, important in our conversations. It is wise counsel to communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood.

A word of caution:  sarcasm is often highly destructive, making our goal of clear communication more difficult. It's like building a brick wall in place of the gate between what I mean and what I say.

The easiest and most productive communication is accomplished with congruency in words, action, and meaning--say what you mean and do yourself what you say. Congruency is being sincerely honest with yourself and others. The development and application of these tools can enable even your whispering to be heard.

Thursday, November 24

Cycles of Experience: A+BC=X

Want to know how to change your experience, especially when life presents a crisis? Mathematical logic tells us that all you have to do to change the outcome is change any variable in the equation. Consider the equation A+BC=X.

A=Actual event, the facts
B=Behavioral response
C=Cognition(s), the meaning or interpretation we give to the facts
X=your total eXperience
Our personal perceptions are framed by our total experience.
Variable A is constant. The facts don't change.
Variables B and C are inter-dependant, or that any change in Cognition effects Behavior and your eXperience, and any change in Behavior effects Cognition and your eXperience.

For example:
Perceiving the facts of an event or interaction to be ill-intended, our likely behavior will be in defense, self-protection, and  possibly revenge and backbiting. This total experience will conclude in distress, relationship-destructiveness, or other such negative effects. Our total experiences build up over time to compile a library of evidence discouraging change. Depression and hopelessness often are a result of our perceived library collection of negative experiences.

This cyclic equation can also be a positive one. Compiling a library of positive total experiences results in a happy life. If perceiving the facts of an event or interaction to be well-intended (often noted as being optimistic or giving the other person the benefit of the doubt), our likely behavior will be one of reciprocating the perceived kindness, motivation for understanding, and other desired results. The total experience then ends in a positive, encouraging experience of joy and relationship building.

Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place at the same time. It is common to fear the unknown. Those who find themselves trapped in a library of negative evidence most likely feel they do not experience much success. Thus, success is unknown. Can you believe that a lot of us actually fear success?!

I recognize that disappointment and discouragement are at times a part of life. But if we remember that we have a choice in variables B and C, we are in control of our total experience. We can be in control our lives. We may not always control what happens, but we can control how they effect us much more often than we do. Consciousness, accountability, and intentionality are key. You have the power to change your experience and your life. You have the power to rule your world!

Mom, when is Daddy comming home?

Every time you play a game of Hangman, a family of stick-figures loses a father—and we account it as no big deal. Why? How are we killing off our fathers for real? Why should this be a bigger concern than many pay attention to?

Research proves that fathers and mothers are both critical for the most effective parenting.

See Consequenses of Father Absence

The very structural function difference between a man and woman helps to explain why it would be primarily the role of the father/husband to provide. Because men's brains are one-topic-at-once oriented, they are more able to be at work mentally at the same time they are physically, and home mentally at the same time as they are physically. While women's brains are like a big ball of wire. When given both work and home responsibilities, more especially in a dual-income home, work-to-family- and family-to-work spillovers are twice as likely to occur for women. They also cause major exhaustion problems, leaving less energy to put toward organizing harmony in the home and strong family relations. From birth we see evidence of major differences between the genders. A small girl will often instinctively pick up, coddle, and nurture a doll. With boys, we a familiar with a different behavior. He is often likely to be more defensive of it or a territory around it. This is part of God's perfect plan.

Saturday, November 12

Technology: A Blessing?

YES! The leading usage of the Internet is for Genealogy and Family History. Modern society is dependent on technologies other than the Internet as well. Some examples include transportation and medical research advancement. Clearly technology has improved convenience for easy access information, as well as efficiency and quality of daily living. Or has it?

Is technology truly a blessing? The second largest usage of the Internet is for addictive pornography. Chat rooms and other forms of networking, such as Facebook, are sadly often an easy escape for individuals to build seemingly harmless relationships outside of their marriage. Facebook and networking are mostly beneficial;  problems arise when they become a resource of validation and support of any kind taking priority over marital intimacy. This especially becomes the case when there is disharmony in the home, in the marriage, and low-levels of committal self-control applied. One's spouse aught to be the very first individual sought to help meet our needs. One's spouse also aught to be the very first individual we seek to help meet other's needs. One of the basic human needs is to be needed, to feel important and valued. We have an innate desire to make a difference. There is a reason God commanded husband and wife to cleave to one another (Matt 19:5; Mark 10:6-9).

Why has infidelity increased with time? The answer to this question is the same reason the adage 'It takes two to Tango' is a myth. Infidelity begins in one's heart and or mind. Affairs occur probably just as often, if not more often, by means other than physical betrayal, including psychologically, visually, and emotionally. The media often distorts our perception of reality. Danger lurks when we foster the thought "Why can't my husband/wife be more like...?" With time and development of technology, availability of alternative means for immediate gratification are escalating.

Yes, technology is truly a blessing, a tool for excellence.  Just as tools can be used as helpful instruments or as weapons, all  blessings come with greater amounts of responsibility. A successful marriage is work. A successful marriage is also the greatest of all the joys ever accounted for. Though difficult at times, it is a work worth all efforts exerted.

For marriage tips and help from an expert, visit CommunicatingLove.com